Archives for the month of: April, 2018

My 3 year old princess is such a beautiful soul. She brightness the darkest of days. She is her own person and is as feist as ever. With her, i totally understand what it means to be a mother. From her, i am even sorry of all the troubles i have ever caused my mother. But hold on, truth be told , my daughter is just a little terrorist. No one sleeps before she sleeps and once she wakes up, everyone must also wake up. She fights with her 5 year old brother and can give Jonh Cena a run for his trade. My mother enjoys it when she terrorizes me and always says she is a replica of me as a baby. In a way, karma is working its way on me. Punishing me for being a hard toddler who always troubled her grandmother. I was partially raised by my grandmother, mhdsrip, whilst mummy was at school. The old lady loved me too bits to the extent that my mother felt sorry for her. However, the thing that i can never truly understand with my daughter is in my absence she is a total angel. Is she conspiring with my own mother to punish me for my baby evils? With such a child , it is easy to push her towards others so they handle her. This is the dilemma of many modern women with their pampered princesses and princes. They are so privileged and entitled and rarely get the traditional beatings. Maybe, and only maybe,these kids are spoilt and know it. A tired mom gets back from work after a long day with a difficult boss, yes i have heard those also. All you want to do is rest but the terrorist will not allow you. You just call out to Aunty to take her away. Slowly it becomes a routine, until our maids know how to handle our kids. Until Aunty understands our own children better than we do. Until our children rely more on Aunty than on mummy. Aunty becomes the childrens’ mothere. Aunty knows how to get her to eat, how to get her to sleep, her favourite cartoon and Aunty knows it all…..but really, whose child is it anywhere?

Over the past, the debate has on what to call our domestic workers. I stuck to the name maid and sincerely rubbished the term helper and i stand like that. Today i had one client who was interviewing a potential maid and was not happy when she kept on calling her sister….sisi in our native language. I guess she was offending because the term sisi is used for relations and people that consider themselves peers. To make the matters worse, the maid is older than the madam so the madam then felt she will be disrespected at a latter stage. SIsi is also a term that we used to call the maids back in the 90s’. All ana sis where usually maids, so maybe the client had a reason to worry after all. This got me thinking, what do the bosses want the maids to call them?? I later went on to my ladies and asked them how they address their bosses. The responses where interesting. The none black bosses want to be called by their names, Mendy , Chipo, James!!! That in our culture is a taboo, you never call the elders (age or position) by name. This means in no household will you find a maid addressing their boss by their name. Well not in my house,my kids are not even allowed to call me by my name!!! Most maids then call their bosses mum or dad.This is the common address and it also makes the bosses feel superior i guess. Culturally, one can be called by their first childs’ name, Mai Tako or Baba Tako. This is also widely accepted and is used by bosses that do not want that intimacy with their maid or those that are younger than their maids.It is also best as most women are not comfortable with maids calling their husbands daddy (a story for another day!!!).Then there is this group of bosses that prefer calling their maid relations. In Zimbabwe , everyone is related in someway , by totem or by rural background. I am even related to my husband!! His grandfather and my grandmother share the same totem and i also share the same totem with his grandmother. I am therefore his wife and his grandmothers sister kkkkkk, yes it is complicated like that and it works. It is not rare then to find a maid being called mainini or tete or sisi in a home with her responding in similar fashion. What does your maid call you? How did it come to that? How do you prefer it? I prefer being called mama just do not ask me what my husband is called!!!!